This post includes a discussion of a post on the “Privilege Denying Asexuals” blog, so if you want to stay out of it, or if you may be upset by erasure of demisexuality, don’t read any more. For people who aren’t going to read more (and even for people who are):
HAVE A TARDIS CAKE
For the rest of you…
Demisexuals might (and “might” is a key word, because demisexuality as an orientation does not infer any specific pattern of sexual activity) conform to a normal (or at least culturally ideal) pattern of sexual behavior, but demisexuality is not “normal sexuality”. People who identify as demisexual experience their sexuality, subjectively, in a qualitatively different fashion from sexual people who exhibit similar behavioral patterns in one extremely important respect: they experience no sexual attraction (this is something different from sexual desire as in, “I want to have sex with you”) until they have formed some sort of intimate bond with somebody else.
The currently existing frameworks for explaining how demisexuality differs from “normal sexuality” are, admittedly, occasionally poor at communicating this idea, but we’re working on it. Really.
The bottom line, in the meantime: Nobody has the right to erase somebody else’s identity because they don’t understand it, and it should be a basic courtesy that, if you are told repeatedly by people who identify in a specific way that you are misrepresenting them, you stop and admit that you don’t understand rather than continue to erase or misrepresent them, even if you are pretty sure that they are wrong/incorrect/full of shit/whatever.